More gym equipment.
In one of the posts from last year, I posed the question “Mom & Dad, are we there yet?” in reference to getting through this phase of our lives known as COVID[-19]. It appears in Seattle and in most of the places Marc and I frequent, the answer is “yes”. We’ve been vaxxed, have been able to take a couple of trips via plane, resumed seeing people and I have been able to complete the rehab on my hip (still a little bit of work on the knee/calf, but that’s minor). My sister and a couple of close friends convinced us to buy a Peloton because as regular followers of this space know, the Becks’ need more gym equipment. All positives.
As for many, COVID took a toll on me mentally and emotionally. When I had a chance to look back, I realized it started last fall and it wasn’t until late winter that I really identified that I needed to take some steps to deal with it. True to form, I had to understand the who, what, where, when, why and how. This led to me seeking some professional help on the mental health front as I did not have the tools to figure it out.
Look at those crazy kids on Patmos in 2002.
Long time readers of this space know that I saw the 2nd plane hit the World Trade Center almost 20 years ago. At the time, I was working for a global investment bank which did not really tolerate “weakness”. Sure, they had counseling circles where employees could commiserate about the trauma they experienced, but no one actually trusted the system. We all likely thought that the facilitator would “rat us out” that we were “soft” and would get managed out of the firm. And especially as a ‘she/her’ on Wall Street, I was expected to “tough it out”. I did that and, by sheer luck, I ended up being ok and somehow met Marc less than a year later.
When I realized that I was feeling “off”, I realized that shame on me if I make the same mistake that I made all of those years ago knowing what I know now and not get some assistance. Fortunately seeking out mental health counseling does not have the same stigma as it used to have and I was able to find someone via referral to help figure things out.
I was going through my sessions and doing some homework via reading, etc. In the midst of all of this, Marc and I were able to go visit my family back in New York after not seeing them for 14 months. It was a wonderful weekend and really recharged me personally, which I was not expecting. [Random tangent: My Mom showed me this article, which made me laugh because my Rabbi used to give me these while I was prepping for my Bat Mitzvah back in the day.] That said, on the plane ride back home I had a sense of dread about returning to work that was more than the normal “ugh, it’s work tomorrow after being away.” In looking back, I realize that I had this feeling previously in the past few months but blocked it out because that was what I had always conditioned myself to do.
Hurricane Ridge - May, 2021.
The frustrating part was that I really liked the team I was on, enjoyed the work I was doing and had good leadership support behind me. It didn’t reconcile with the feelings I was experiencing. We were getting out for regular hikes, which I know has a positive impact on my mental health. I started examining my typical work day and seeing if I could identify any triggers. I was annoyed that I did not recognize this decline sooner so I could nip it in the bud. But that’s the thing - you’re living in the micro, and it is so easy to miss out on the macro things going on in your life.
What I was able to discern was that I switched roles in mid-October and that led to a steady cadence of 6am (sometimes earlier) meetings because the organization is more east-coast centric. By the time I would have dinner with Marc, I would be thrashed and was not good company because I had been working for 12+ hours. The schedule also made it more difficult for me to get my workouts in, which definitely impacts me mentally and physically. I also realized that I was pretty burnt out from doing 3 months of daily rehab from my hip surgery on top of my workouts and everything else. And I missed seeing my friends and having laughs in person.
My PT conjured up lots of games to keep me engaged with my rehab.
Right. OK. Fortunately more and more of our “people” were getting vaxxed so that was helpful in addressing the lack of social contact over the past 15+ months. The gatherings that I have been in have brought me true happiness. Hip rehab concluded in late April and I’m breaking records for mid-life career professionals hula hooping. Marc and I were able to resume a couple of traditions that had to be suspended due to COVID. That left addressing the proverbial elephant in the room - my current role, most of which I truly enjoyed except for the daily very early morning starts. That was the biggest issue out of all of it since it impacted my time with Marc.
With that, my last day at PwC is on Friday and I will miss the people I met at P-Dubs, who were generous with their knowledge and their time. They are smart and funny, and my last team, in particular, brought me tons of joy. I had the opportunity to influence many folks during my tenure at the firm in terms of teaching people about ‘product’ and mentoring a few people along the way on their career journeys.
Snowshoeing on Rainier - April, 2021.
I’ll be starting a new role at the end of next month, which I am really excited about. It also coincides with being back in the office in a hybrid capacity, which also makes me happy. More on that once I start up there with my new set of colleagues whom I am looking forward to learning from and partnering with to achieve great things.
And with that, onward!